Border Force Tows Back All Sydney To Hobart Yachts.
Reports early this morning have confirmed that the controversial Australian Border Force has launched a massive operation overnight that saw every member of the traditional Sydney-to-Hobart yacht race towed back to Sydney Harbour.
Full details of the extent of the operation and any charges laid are yet to be established but Minister for Immigration and Border Protection Peter Dutton confirmed this morning that a large illegal operation was disrupted and the yachts returned to the place of their berth.
“I can happily confirm that the Australian Border Force fulfilled their duty this morning interrupting a massive people smuggling operation bound for Tasmania,” said Dutton in a prepared statement.
“A series of vessel were intercepted having recently departed from Sydney Harbour carrying multiple passengers attempting to evade capture by travelling through the night. This is an operation that was initiated when an unusually large number of vessels were seen in the harbour on Boxing Day.
“My reports indicate the Border Force first became suspicious when it was clear the yachts were setting a course for Tasmania. We were unable to imagine an earthly reason that anyone would wish to travel to such a place without some kind of nefarious plan.
“Further details will be revealed later with certain operational matters meaning we’re only able to tell you exactly what we want to reveal and will be unable to disclose the full details to avoid any unnecessary transparency and criticism.”
Dutton admitted that, while he was briefed of the operation before its launching, he was surprised to hear of the extent of the mission.
“To be honest I had thought the Australian Border Force had disbanded. I thought that their launch was so incredibly disastrous that there would be no possible way they could survive as an entity, considering how there’s no way the Australian public would ever respect or support them ever again.
“But it turns out that the attention span of the Australian people is just short enough that they had to lay low for a couple of months then could go ahead and do whatever they want to do without any backlash or anything.
“Hell, the name of the Border Force is such mud already that we can just use them to do our dirty work. Even if you heard about a massive screw up you’d just think that was the Border Force being the Border Force. You’d probably forget all about how bizarrely authoritarian it is to have this weird secret security force that polices without oversight.
“Still, good to know the system works. I had put a cheeky tenner on Wild Oats and if they weren’t going to win I didn’t want anyone to win.”